Asymmetrically committed relationships

What is it about?

One of the greatest dilemmas in developing relationships is figuring out if there is a future together--and if each partner is committed to having that future. Differences in partner commitment levels are common and are related to various problems and frustrations. And while the higher commitment level of the strong link (more committed partner) would typically portend better communication and happiness, being a weak link with a strong link is frustrating and these relationships have more conflict, aggression, and less happiness. In asymmetrically committed relationships, either partner can be the low committed partner, but, between men and women, it is about twice as likely that the man will be less committed than the woman. One of the most interesting findings of this study is that the commitment levels of the women (weak link or not) tells the strongest story about which couples break up and which last. The male commitment levels seems to matter relatively little. We think this relates to the idea that, for a lot of more marginal relationships among emerging adults, the men are content to hang around while it's mostly up to the women and their commitment if the relationship will last.

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Why is it important?

We believe that relationships form faster than ever before, including into serious transitions such as cohabitation, and that people often do not well know a partner before such changes happen. As a result, we believe that more people than ever before find themselves somewhat "stuck" in relationships where their partner is much less committed than they are, but now they have a hard time moving on. As an example, one of the findings we present is that cohabiting couples, compared to those dating and not cohabiting, are substantially more likely to be in asymmetrically committed relationships. We discuss many findings and trends like this in the paper which focuses on the nature of commitment, and how the one who is least committed often has a lot of power--including the power to greatly frustrate the more committed partner.

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