Dominance, Submission, and Sexual Arousal: How Our Fantasies Challenge Traditional Gender Roles

What is it about?

Traditionally, it has been assumed that men should take on a dominant sexual role, while women are expected to adopt a submissive position. However, we may ask ourselves: what happens in the realm of sexual fantasies? A recent study suggests that what arouses us in intimacy may challenge pre-established gender roles. We often think of sexual fantasies as spontaneous, pleasurable thoughts. However, sexological science suggests that reality is more complex and that not everything we imagine sexually must constitute a desired and pleasurable fantasy. For this reason, it is more accurate to speak of sexual cognitions, distinguishing between positive sexual cognitions (PSC), when they are experienced as pleasant and desired, and negative sexual cognitions (NSC), when they are unpleasant or even intrusive. While positive cognitions tend to be associated with optimal sexual health, negative ones may be linked to certain difficulties, for example, in sexual functioning. A recent study explored, in a sample of 1,400 cisgender heterosexual adults, how cognitions of dominance and sexual submission are related to the assessment of sexual arousal, both at a general level (feeling mentally aroused) and at a genital level (vaginal lubrication and/or penile erection). The results suggest that sexual cognitions do not always follow gender molds. Men reported positive cognitions of both dominance and submission more frequently. Conversely, women more often experienced negative submissive cognitions. One of the most relevant findings was that, in women compared to men, positive cognitions of dominance were associated with higher levels of sexual arousal and lubrication. This finding could suggest that assuming an active role of power can be a form of female sexual empowerment that breaks away from the traditional passive role. In the case of men, both positive and negative cognitions of submission showed a stronger association with arousal than in women. For them, these thoughts could offer a "safe space" to explore roles or facets that society often penalizes in the male gender, allowing them to enjoy submission without being exposed to external judgment.

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Photo by Studio Crevettes on Unsplash

Photo by Studio Crevettes on Unsplash

Why is it important?

These findings suggest that sexual cognitions may not always follow traditional gender scripts. In fact, when experienced positively, they can become a tool to subvert these roles and scripts, favoring greater sexual autonomy. From a clinical perspective, this study highlights the importance of sexual cognitions as indicators of sexual health and as potential therapeutic tools. Understanding that our minds can find pleasure in diverse roles is essential for promoting a more fulfilling sexuality, free from stigma and adjusted to each person's genuine desires, beyond what society expects of us.

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