Resolving The Intimacy-Desire Paradox

What is it about?

Many couples fail to maintain sexual desire in their long-term relationships. Two people who once could not keep their hands off each other gradually lose interest in having sex, at least with their current partner. What distinguishes couples who experience passionate long-term relationships from those who fail to sustain the passion? Are there effective strategies to prevent against the waning of sexual desire in long-term relationships? This study seeks to answer those questions. The findings show that a partner’s responsiveness outside the bedroom does, in fact, contribute to the desire to have sex with this partner, and it may help explain why women's desire is more strongly affected by their partner's responsiveness than men's desire.

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Why is it important?

The findings elucidate the intimacy-desire paradox, suggesting that, under certain circumstances, it may not be a paradox: What determines whether intimacy instigates or inhibits desire is not the mere existence of intimacy, but its meaning in the larger context of a relationship. Responsiveness is most likely to instigate desire when it conveys the impression that the partner is worth pursuing and when engaging in sex with such a desirable partner is likely to promote an already valuable relationship.